Exploring Infertility Insurance, Infertility Financing and Shared Risk Programs

Undergoing infertility treatments, while it may seem like your only option if you and your spouse are struggling to have your own baby, can be very expensive. While many alternative treatments and less invasive and technical ART treatments are more affordable, many treatments, such as the ever-popular in-vitro fertilization (IVF), can cost couples $10,000 or more a round, and it often takes couples two or three rounds before they become pregnant. Because normal insurance companies don’t offer infertility insurance in most states, many couples are turning to alternative solutions, most of which are being offered by individual clinics and doctors around the country.

Insurance for Infertility

There are many different types of insurance for infertility floating about these days, but one is like your standard health insurance plan, but it covers infertility, unlike most plans. You already know how a basic insurance plan works: you pay a premium each month, and then the insurance provider covers a certain percentage or dollar amount of each treatment. An insurance plan like this can certainly simplify paying for your infertility treatments, but be sure to weigh the costs before you actually buy into a plan. Because infertility procedures have a high risk of failure and a high repeat rate, your insurance company is likely to charge very high premiums for this insurance.

Infertility Financing

You can get financing for everything these days, and infertility treatments are no different. Many couples choose to finance infertility treatments on their own by using credit cards, which most clinics accept, or even by taking out second mortgages on their homes. If you aren’t able to do either of these things, though, you may be able to finance your treatments either through a clinic or through a third-party company. Ask around at different clinics, and you may be able to find one that offers a package and financing so that you can pay for the cost over a period of months or years instead of all at once.

The good part about financing your infertility treatments is that you can begin them before you have all the money together. The bad part is the same as it is with any other type of financing. It could be years before you pay off the balance of your infertility treatment. You need to think about if you don’t end up getting pregnant, whether you would rather have that money to adopt, and if you do end up getting pregnant, whether you can afford the extra monthly cost of your infertility financing along with the extra costs a baby brings.

Shared Risk Programs

Shared risk programs may be some of the most interesting and innovative programs for helping couples spend less on infertility treatments. Most of these programs are for IVF treatments, and you will basically pay up front – or finance – three to four rounds of IVF. If after the first round you have a baby, the clinic will keep all of your money, but if after the last round you don’t have a baby, you’ll get some of your money back.

These programs can be good for couples who want to adopt if they don’t get pregnant, but they do come with some risks. For instance, some clinics only offer this program to women under the age of 35, who are more likely to get pregnant. And others who offer this program are more likely to implant multiple eggs on the first round of IVF, raising their chances of a bonus but also raising the chances of a dangerous multiple birth.

What’s Best for You?

No one else can decide what insurance or payment program is best for you and your partner, but the two of you need to take some serious time to discuss your options. Before you begin the emotional roller coaster that is infertility treatments, you need to decide how far you’ll go, how much you’ll spend, and when you’ll say enough is enough and fall back on other options. All the options, though, mean that everyone can afford to try to have a baby, so don’t give up hope even if it feels like you’ll never have the money to undergo ART.

What are Infertility Symptoms?

If you and your partner are trying to get pregnant, you can easily become frustrated after just a couple of months of periods that aren’t missed or pregnancy tests that come back negative. Don’t despair, though, because you aren’t technically considered infertile until you’ve been trying – which means having frequent sexual intercourse at the right times – for a year. If you’re wondering what some of the infertility symptoms are outside of the actual lack of pregnancy, you’re in luck. While the reasons for infertility can be difficult to diagnose, there are a few symptoms that can clue you in on possible fertility problems before your year of trying is up.

Hormone Troubles

While the word “hormonal” is used more often for women than men, men actually have plenty of hormones in their bodies that control things like sexual function. For both men and women, when the hormones are out of whack – when there is either too much or too little of any one particular hormone in the body at a given time – the whole reproductive system can cease to function properly. In women, unbalanced hormones can mean lack of ovulation or simply ovulation at the wrong time, and for men, hormonal imbalances can cause problems with their sperm.

While the symptoms of hormone imbalances are many and varied, you may be able to notice some of them in yourself. For one thing, major changes in sex drive can signal hormonal changes, and many men with low levels of testosterone will experience a drop in sex drive and erectile problems. Women may become moody, have irregular periods, or experience significant weight loss or weight gain. Because men and women have the same reproductive hormones – simply in different concentrations – both men and women can have an overabundance of estrogen, which can cause emotional issues and things like bloating.

Sexual Issues

Obviously the more difficult it is to have sex, the more difficult it will be to conceive. Sexual dysfunctions like erectile issues and painful sex – for either men or women – can signal fertility problems later down the road, if only because a couple who is having problems like these is less likely to have sex at the right times to conceive a child. If you’re seeing any sexual problems in yourself or your spouse, it would be a good time to go to your doctor, especially if you’re trying to conceive a child.

Other Health Problems

While there aren’t any specific health issues that will certainly cause infertility, there are a lot of problems in both men and women that have been linked to infertility. Risk factors for infertility include being very over- or under-weight, smoking, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, and taking in too much caffeine. Also, people who have certain sexually transmitted diseases are at a much higher risk for infertility, as are people who are taking certain medications, are being treated for cancer, or are constantly exposed to a number of environmental pollutants.

What You Can Do

Trying to conceive a child should be a fun, exciting time in your life. The best way to up your odds of conceiving naturally is to stay generally healthy; if you notice major, unexplained mood swings or other indicators of hormonal problems, if you have problems having fun, if having sex is uncomfortable, or if you are dealing with other health issues, now is a good time to go to the doctor and get these issues checked out. Being at your absolute healthiest is the simplest way to ensure that your conception and pregnancy go as smoothly as possible, even if you do end up needing to use some assisted reproduction therapies to make it happen in the end.

Secret Tantric Conceiving Positions for Pregnancy

Tantric sex from the Hindu tantra (to manifest, to expand, and to weave) involves sexual techniques and conceiving positions that can make getting pregnant easier and help banish infertility. Through tantric sex, the Hindus attempt to heighten self-awareness which leads to enlightenment, and thus the ability to reach one’s full sexual potential.

Who can benefit from tantric sex?

Regardless of your age, gender, or nationality, you can reap the benefits of tantric sex. Unlike sex that most people know, tantric sex is promoted as an everyday lifestyle that helps you become more comfortable with yourself.

In addition, tantric sex teaches specific sexual techniques (e.g. restraining ejaculation) and positions that will not only increase your sexual enjoyment, but also improve your overall health and bodily systems—two primary factors that improve fertility. In a sense, it’s like kama sutra but only better because of the health benefits involved.

Tantric sex techniques for health and fertility

The following are some examples of specific tantric sex techniques culled from the “The Classic of the Plain Girl” (Su Nü Ching, from the 2nd-3rd centuries BCE), in which the Plain Girl offers eight therapeutic sex techniques to the Yellow Emperor, seeking to increase his longevity and vitality. Six of these include the following:

1) Give the woman 81 strokes of love to improve your overall well-being.

The Plain Girl says this method will strengthen your bones, revitalize you, and adjust your entire physical system. To achieve this, the Plain Girl says your beloved should lie on her back, legs folded behind her. You then lean over her, legs apart, mount her, insert your love Weapon, and give her exactly 9 strokes of love. The Plain Girl says you must do this for nine consecutive days, nine times a day, to achieve maximum benefit. Added benefit: It will also cure female sexual problems.

2) Give her 9 strokes of love to improve your blood circulation.

To achieve this, the Plain Girl says your beloved should lie on her side, with her right leg behind her and the left leg extended. You mount her (push-up style), insert your love Weapon, and give her exactly nine strokes of love. Do this six times a day for 20 consecutive days, to achieve maximum benefit.

3) Give her 9 strokes of love to increase your blood.

To achieve this, the Plain Girl says you must lie on your back, then your beloved kneels or squats over you. With her backside raised, insert your love Weapon deeply into her, while she moves up and down until she has received exactly nine strokes of love. Do this seven times a day for 10 consecutive days, to achieve maximum benefit. Added benefit: It will also cure female menstrual irregularities and strengthen you.

4) Give her 9 strokes of love to concentrate your semen.

To achieve this, the Plain Girl says your beloved must lie on her side and spread wide her thighs. Then, lie alongside her, and carefully insert your love Weapon. Give her exactly nine strokes of love, then stop making love. You should do this twice a day for 15 consecutive days. Added benefit: It will cure any female bleeding.

5) Give her 9 strokes of love to improve your bodily organs.

To achieve this, the Plain Girl says your beloved must lie on her side, pull her knees together and hold them (like in a fetal position). You then lie down sideways behind her, arms wrapped around her legs. In this position, insert your love Weapon from behind her and give her exactly nine strokes of love. You must do this four times a day for 20 consecutive days. Added benefit: This method also improves her internal organs.

6) Give her 9 strokes of love to calm your spirit.

To achieve this, the Plain Girl says your beloved must lie on her back, with her backside resting on a cushion and her legs stretched out. Then, kneel between her open thighs and insert your love Weapon. Give her exactly nine strokes of love, then stop. This should be done thrice a day for 20 consecutive days. Added benefit: It will cure female chills in her sexual area.

Seeking Support from Infertility Groups

If you and your partner are currently struggling with infertility, it’s important that you know you’re not alone. At this point, you may be thinking that you don’t want to subject yourself to the questions, comments, and stories of other infertile couples, but there is real evidence that infertility groups can help you not only cope with your emotions but also conceive a child.

As scientists are becoming more interested in the effects of stress on infertility, more studies are being conducted on the way support groups can relieve stress and boost fertility. For example, a study by Domar and Associates showed a huge increase in viable pregnancies in women who took part in group therapy or support groups as opposed to women who went through infertility treatment alone.

Another study published in Therapy Today in June of 2006 concluded that women who have high levels of cortisol – a hormone that floods our bodies when we’re under stress – became more fertile when their cortisol levels plummeted.

Stress reduction, emotional outlet and support

Besides giving couples or individuals an outlet for their feelings of disappointment and vulnerability in a place that is safe, support groups can give people struggling with infertility a way to exchange information. This is especially true of local groups – as opposed to widespread online groups – in which members can help each other find the best infertility doctors and therapists in the area by word-of-mouth.

One study conducted through the U.K.’s University of Nottingham looked at an online chat room specifically for men going through infertility problems with their partners. The study, which looked at months of chat material, concluded that it was very helpful for these men to open up about their issues in an online medium, since it eliminated the necessity of face-to-face contact. In this group, the men were able to unload feelings that their wives either couldn’t understand or weren’t ready to hear.

Finding a support group

Going to a support group for infertile couples can be a great way to communicate with other people about your problems and, eventually, to become fertile again simply by lowering your body’s stress levels. You may not even know where to begin finding a group like this, but never fear, there are lots of ways to go about it.

If you or your partner is completely uncomfortable with face-to-face discussions about infertility at this point, you can check out online support groups, although they will be lacking the reassurance and comfort that physical contact with other people can often bring. If you are ready to step into a more personal group situation, start looking for support groups in your area online. There are several organizations, like RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association,that can connect you with infertility support groups in your area.

If you would prefer a faith-based approach to infertility support, try contacting the church you attend or another local religious organization. Many churches of different religious persuasions are joining in the fight against infertility by creating support groups for infertile couples in their communities, and even if you are not affiliated with any faith, this could be a good place to begin looking.

If at this point you are still unable to find a group with which you and your partner can connect, try getting into those chat rooms and asking around. Many people who are there may also know of face-to-face groups that meet in certain areas. You could also ask your local infertility clinic or doctor, as many physicians are beginning to realize the value of infertility support groups.

Fertility Kits for Men and Women

Home fertility kits now make it easy and convenient for you to tell when you are ovulating. One example is the ovulation predictor kit (OPK) that detects the level of luteinizing hormone (LH) in your urine. LH generally rises a day or two before your ovulation period.

Why use the OPK?

The rise in LH triggers ovulation which is the most fertile time of your monthly female cycle. Using the OPK helps pinpoint increased LH, making it more accurate to tell when ovulation will occur. Women with normal cycles benefit most from OPKs.

It can get confusing when you still have your periods yet you don’t ovulate. If you are suffering from fertility issues, the OPK can help determine if you are ovulating at all.

Even doctors like Angie Beltsos of Fertility Centers in Illinois encourage the use of OPK because she finds it very helpful in detecting the specific days of ovulation. She admits it may not be a perfect test, but it does help women find out when it’s time to ovulate. Combined with fertility drugs, however, OPKs need to be used with care and proper direction from your health care specialist, says Dr. Beltsos.

How to use the OPK

First, know the best day to start testing, according to your monthly cycle. Second, reduce your liquid intake at least four hours before you administer the test. To ensure greater success, once you’ve started testing, make sure to repeat the test the following day at around the same time.

FSH test kits

Another type of fertility test measures your Follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH). High levels of FSH may affect female fertility. Thus, if you know or suspect that you are suffering from infertility, missed periods, or irregular ovulation, use an FSH test kit to help you detect high levels of FSH.

Why use an FSH test kit?

Infertility clinics commonly use FSH test kits to measure ovarian reserve or the female egg supply. If you experience menstrual problems, this type of fertility test can help you know if you are perimenopausal, menopausal, or having fertility issues that may be linked to other causes such as pituitary disorders involving the ovaries or the testes.

In other words, high levels of FSH may indicate poor ovarian reserves.

How to use the FSH test

Your doctor, not you, administers the FSH fertility test sometimes called the Day 3 FSH test, because it is done on the third day of your menstrual cycle. However, most doctors do not follow the Day 3 testing and believe it is okay to administer the test anytime between Days 2 to 4 of your cycle.

To conduct the test, your doctor will likely ask you to submit a blood sample, specifically on the third day of your menstrual cycle.

Male fertility kits

If you are undergoing a fertility test, it is important for your partner to get tested, as well. Yes, it may bring up some vulnerabilities for him. But what if male factor fertility is the main problem that prevents you from getting pregnant? According to research, about 20-30 percent of the time, it is. On the bright side, discovering male-related fertility issues early on can mean early treatment and prevention of unnecessary pain and expense on your part.

Sperm and semen analysis

Generally, men get tested through sperm and semen analysis. This kind of fertility test evaluates sperm count, shape, and movement, among others. According to experts, high sperm count does not necessarily mean high fertility. Many men have low sperm count or abnormal semen and yet they are fertile. At other times, some men may have normal sperm count and semen and yet they are infertile.

Conducting sperm and semen analysis

A urologist usually begins the test with a basic interview about lifestyle and full medical and reproductive history, followed by a physical exam, and a discussion about personal sexual activity. Next, the man needs to provide a fresh semen sample for analysis.

If the first test is normal, the doctor may ask for a second test to confirm results. If the second test is also normal, it usually means the absence of significant fertility problems. But if something looks irregular, the doctor may order more tests. Ironically, the absence of any sperm or semen (azoospermia) suggests a blockage rather than infertility. If this is the case, the problem can be easily corrected by surgery.

Reasons for Infertility

Although it may look on the surface like most couples have no trouble getting pregnant, the fact is that thousands of couples each year struggle with infertility, which is defined as the inability to become pregnant after a year of having well-timed, regular, unprotected intercourse. A hundred years ago, the stigma of infertility was usually laid solely at the feet of women, but now it’s recognized that reasons for infertility often extend to men, as well.

What Goes Wrong: Men

There are literally hundreds of causes of infertility in men, and in some cases doctors are unable to assign an actual reason behind it. There are, however, a few things that are more common than others; because a man must usually have plenty of healthy sperm in order to impregnate a woman, many of the problems with male infertility are due to conditions that compromise sperm count or quality. Unfortunately, there are a lot of things that can have a negative effect on sperm. Here are some of the most common:

Varicocele: Usually you hear about varicose veins in women’s legs, but they can also form in a man’s scrotum. The veins keep the environment in the scrotum too hot, which can prevent healthy sperm from forming.

Infections: It may not be surprising that many STD’s can cause a drop in male fertility, but it is surprising that some infections are completely undetectable except in problems with sperm.

Testosterone Deficiency or Imbalance: Hormones are just as important for men as they are for women, and men who have a deficiency or imbalance of testosterone may be unable to produce lots of healthy sperm.

Sexual Problems: No one likes to talk about sexual issues with a doctor, but it can be necessary in order for a couple to have a baby. Some men can’t get an erection, which leads to an obvious problem, and others ejaculate too early so that the sperm never reaches the egg. Also, many couples don’t know this, but some lubricants can actually kill sperm or keep them from moving freely through the woman’s vagina and fallopian tubes.

Malnutrition: In a day where many people subsist on French fries and burgers, it’s increasingly common for male infertility to be caused by vitamin deficiencies, especially deficiencies in zinc, selenium, folate, and vitamin C, all of which are important to the formation and health of sperm.

Environmental Issues: Men who are exposed to pesticides, who spend lots of time in very hot environments, or who smoke are much more likely to have fertility problems.

Age: The biological clock doesn’t only tick for women! Men over the age of forty are much more likely to struggle with infertility issues than younger men.

What Goes Wrong: Women

There are also many things that can go wrong on the female side of infertility, including polycystic ovarian syndrome and fallopian tube blockage. Most of these problems are treatable, but, again, you have to know what you’re dealing with. Here are a few common causes of female infertility:

Damage or Blockage in the Fallopian Tubes: There are many things that can damage the fallopian tubes, including scar tissue left over from abdominal surgeries. Infections in the tubes can also cause this problem, and women who have fallopian tube blockage are more likely to have an ectopic pregnancy, a dangerous situation in which an egg implants in the tubes instead of the uterus.

Endometriosis: This often painful disorder occurs when uterine tissue implants outside of the uterus; the tissue goes through the cycle of lining and bleeding with the uterus each month, causing scarring and other issues.

Ovulation Problems: Ovulation is a tricky hormonally-regulated procedure, and many women have low levels of the hormones needed for ovulation because of problems in the pituitary gland.

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS): This happens when women produce too much of the hormone androgen, which causes issues with ovulation and which often results in obesity and insulin resistance.

Pelvic Adhesions: These occur when scar tissue unnaturally binds soft tissue together, often causing fallopian tube blockage and other reproductive issues.

Thyroid Problems: Women whose body’s produce too much or too little thyroid hormone are likely to have fertility issues.

How to Keep ART Fertility Costs Low

If you and your partner have been struggling to get pregnant for more than a year, you are probably starting to think about options like in-vitro fertilization and other methods of assisted reproductive technology (ART). One thing you probably already know is that ART fertility costs can be quite high. Some insurance programs will pay for part of your costs, but, for the most part, you’ll be pretty much on your own.

While you can scrimp and save to be able to afford these treatments, you need to remember that they aren’t always successful on the first – or even the fourth – try. You’ll need to have enough money behind you that you can keep going until you get pregnant, but you can also keep the costs of your fertility treatments low by using a few of the following ideas.

Opt for surgical procedures for him

It used to be that fertility problems were primarily associated with the female, but more and more fertility treatment clinicians are also testing and treating men who may be infertile. While it might seem like the easiest way to overcome male infertility is to go through in-vitro fertilization, this is actually not the most cost-effective choice you can make.

One study on the cost-efficiency of different treatments for male infertility concluded that it is much, much less expensive to opt for a vasectomy reversal or varicocele repair. These treatments, which may seem to be more complex than IVF, actually significantly reduce the costs of having a baby. In fact, this study states that the average costs involved with all the procedures combined for babies born through IVF/ICSI is about $89,000, which goes up exponentially if the first round of treatment is unsuccessful. The total average costs involved with undergoing varicocele surgery and then having a baby are somewhere in the range of $26,000 by comparison.

If you still can’t conceive after treatments like these, you might try other procedures. The cost-effectiveness study concluded that the next most cost-effective fertility treatment would be IUI – intrauterine insemination – and that this treatment is more effective after male surgery. If, however, you would like to try IVF after a vasectomy – or any time male infertility might factor into your infertility problems – try the type of procedure in which the sperm is injected directly into the eggs, ICSI, because this can help increase the effectiveness of the IVF treatment, meaning you might have to go through less IVF cycles.

Discount programs for IVF

IVF remains the most popular form of assisted reproductive treatment, and with good reason. However, this procedure is very expensive. A single cycle of in-vitro can cost upwards of $10,000, and many times that first cycle doesn’t work. There are, however, a few ways that you can save money here, and you’ll want to ask about these options before deciding on a clinic.

One good way to go is to purchase a plan that covers more than one round of IVF. These plans will usually offer a discounted rate, and, for some of them, the rate will depend on the age of the woman being impregnated. Check around for different plans, but try to find one that allows for three or four rounds of IVF at a lower rate.

Some clinics are also offering discount plans with money-back guarantees, which can be very helpful. Depending on the clinic, you may get your money back if you don’t carry a pregnancy to full-term, or you may get it back if you don’t carry a pregnancy for more than a certain number of weeks. For instance, some clinics will consider their work done once you are beyond twelve weeks. These programs are often called shared risk programs because the clinic is sharing some of the financial risks of failure with you, which can relieve some of your financial burden and give you the impetus to try again later.

Another good thing about these programs is that they may allow for cryopreservation of extra embryos that you can transfer later on. If the discount program allots for harvesting and inseminating eggs several times, chances are likely that you’ll end up with extra viable embryos, which can reduce your IVF costs down the road if you decide to try again.

The Infertility Solution? An Open Mind.

Did you know that one in six couples is considered infertile? This means that over a year of trying to get pregnant by unprotected, well-timed intercourse – or six months if the woman is over the age of thirty-five – the couple can’t get pregnant. If, then, you and your partner are struggling with infertility, you should know that you aren’t alone. In fact, infertility is such a huge problem these days that scientists and practitioners are coming up with ever more ways to restore fertility in both men and women. If you are overwhelmed by all the infertility treatments out there, know that there isn’t one single infertility solution that works for every couple. Instead, your best bet is to keep your mind open to all the different possibilities.

Infertility Myths

There are lots of old wives’ tales and myths surrounding infertility, which isn’t a strictly modern problem. Sometimes you may hear that it’s all in your head, and other times you may hear that you’ll eventually get pregnant if you adopt first. In the end, many things that are said about infertility are untrue, and, in fact, scientists are uncovering new causes of and solutions for infertility every day. If you are researching ways to restore your fertility so that you and your partner can conceive, you need to know about the myths that some people will tell you.

#1. Assisted Reproductive Technology is Risky and Expensive

While you should carefully research ART procedures before you go through them, you should also know that if you choose a good clinic and doctor, you won’t be risking your health, and many forms of ART aren’t unaffordable. This is not to say that you won’t have to pay for ART because you most certainly will, but it does mean that most people can afford some of the more basic procedures, which come with very little risk.

#2. Traditional Doctors are Against Alternative Treatments

The fact of the matter is that more and more scientific studies are turning up evidence that some alternative treatments – such as acupuncture, talk therapy, group sessions, and stress management techniques – actually do improve a couple’s chance of getting pregnant. In the face of this evidence, many infertility clinics are actually supplementing their ART treatments with alternative medicine, including acupuncture.

#3. Alternative Therapies Don’t Work

One study by an infertility doctor in India showed that certain herbal, natural treatments can enhance sperm count and viability in infertile men. Several other studies, including one published in Therapy Today, indicate that relieving stress, which lowers the body’s levels of the stress hormone cortisol, can help women become more fertile. Another article in the Indian Journal of Medical Research links stress and poor sperm quality, although the article says the relationship between stress and infertility in men deserves more research.

There is plenty of evidence out there that alternative infertility treatments do work. In fact, one study on acupuncture and infertility showed that the therapy helped increase certain hormones in women that made them more fertile and more likely to carry a pregnancy to full-term. This is, of course, why many clinics are beginning to incorporate acupuncture into their infertility treatments.

#4. We Should Stick with One Type of Treatment

There are so many treatment options out there that have shown positive results for infertility that you would be silly not to keep an open mind about everything. This will, of course, take a little more time on the front end as you research various infertility treatments, but the best way to find a solution that works for you is to try whatever you can in a systematic, logical manner. For most couples, this simply means starting with the less invasive, more affordable treatments and work your way up to the very expensive procedures as a last resort. For all couples, this means being open minded about the treatment possibilities that are out there today.

Convincing Your Man to Get A Male Fertility Test

Convincing your man to get a male fertility test may prove more difficult than you think. Guys have their own sensitivities, including those that threaten or question their masculinity. Invade that area and you may very well be treading on dangerous ground. If you have done so already and have been met by the dragon, don’t despair. There is a way around most sensitive subjects. In this case, a big dose of love, compassion, and communication just might do the trick.

Be clear on what he needs to know

Sometimes suffering from infertility issues can make us emotionally volatile. So before you even broach the subject to him, be very clear with yourself on what he needs to know. In other words, set aside your personal emotional issues, for now—if you already have them. Be clear with yourself that your main goal is to tell him clearly, factually, and rationally why he needs to get tested.

This is not to say that your feelings don’t matter. Of course, they do! However, if you insist on discussing your emotions along with why he needs to get tested, it could lead to a messy argument as your emotions well up. Therefore, be focused and save the emotional talk for later.

What does he need to know?

Many couples assume that infertility is the woman’s problem. After all, it is too often supposed it is a woman’s job to conceive. So when you fail to get pregnant, that’s your problem, right? Wrong.

To illustrate this by example, I’ll tell you a story about a couple I know. Gene and Suzanne, seeking help for infertility, were shocked to find out that Gene was the one with the infertility issue, even after having sired one child from a previous marriage. From his history, they easily concluded that Suzanne had the problem. But after Gene’s fertility test results came back, it turned out that his sperm were not correctly shaped and had morphology issues.

This is why you need to let your man know that infertility is as much his issue as it is yours. Conception is a shared responsibility. And when conception is not occuring that means it becomes a shared challenge. Therefore, you both need to accept the fact that infertility could be both or either one’s issue.

You can tell him, too, that many women who have gone through infertility treatments express physical as well as financial pain—something both of you may be able to be spared from if he agrees to a simple sperm analysis. The beauty of it is that it’s guaranteed painless on him and on his pocket at only around $90-130, even without insurance. If he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t want anything to do with doctors or hospitals, be sure to emphasize the painless part.

It’s all because of love

Because he is the person you chose to love and spend the rest of your life with, it follows that you want to have his kids. In the same way, love should be your motivating factor for asking him to get tested. For his part, love can also be his big motivation to appreciate the need to get tested.

Educate him

Ask your doctor if they can provide you with brochures which can be beneficial information to help him better understand fertility tests and why he needs to undergo one. Such information will help him realize that testing is not only important, but that your future child’s health may also depend on it.

Let him talk

It’s only fair to give your man the chance to speak up, too. When he does, accept his words with love and openness. Doing so will help prevent an argument. Do not judge him for any negative feelings he may have.

Let him talk to vent his own struggles about the issue. You might even be surprised to know that he is taking this problem with infertility more seriously than you think and that all along he’s just been very good at hiding it, for fear of losing your love or respect.

If he expresses this, assure him that whatever the test result, it will not in any way diminish his value in your life as well as your love for him. For all you know, this is all he wants to hear from you.